Room of Disaster

This is what a tantrum looks like at our house: That is black sharpie on the bed. The bed is on the floor, not a frame because we learned years ago that any empty space is where all the nice and useful things go, all gobbed up and covered with any liquid close at hand, such as: lotion, glue, nail polish, blood, the list goes on. There was a washable marker in her room that she pulled apart, drained onto her hands and wiped on the walls, carpet and clothes. Thank goodness, this washed off pretty well.

Now, notice the purple marker on the box spring and on the carpet and then notice the spot just to the right of it that is NOT washable but black sharpie.

The interesting thing here is what set K off. D told her to eat her dinner. We had chili, which she usually likes and didn't say she didn't want. In discussing this with the therapist we think she can feel us withdrawing from her and acted out. D has been done for about a year and can't wait for this phase (foster parenting) of our lives to be over but I'm so concerned with the regression she will make. We haven't had a big tantrum in so many months but we can't have her constantly destroying our house. This is probably a good thing because as much as I've been hanging on, I think I'm on the same page as D now and CJ has been ready to be done for a long time. I think L thinks we are just giving up but as much as she wants to save the world she hasn't volunteered any time to help out. About a year ago R told me that she told her husband A that she wishes he had known us before K because we used to be fun. I thought about that and I'm not sure we would have been fun anyway. We used to have kids that got good grades and enjoyed school and friends and activities and were very involved in band and plays. Now we have K and CJ who just wont do school work even if he does understand it. It's not the best time of our lives but we are happy we are not in the position of some of our friends whose son is stealing and doing drugs and they are afraid to be home with him.
OK, back to the story. So we've discussed this with the therapist and case worker and it was decided that K needs to go to another home with higher level of structure and supervision. The interesting thing is that K asked if I would talk to the case worker and ask if she could go to another family for a while. Now we will do as she requests and she feels like she has control of her life. Maybe it all will work out just fine. The case worker wants her to stay in the area so she can go to the same school so I could still take her and do things with her without her taking over our lives. After being her mom for 4 years I can't just stop.

The consequence to the tantrum was to have the door removed and I took her "extra" clothes
so she wears her school uniform all day. She also lost TV, computer and phone privileges all week. D can't wait to get into that room and fix it up so it will stay nice.